Procrastination is never ONLY procrastination!

Since ‘Procrastination’ is an act that we publicly damn and try to stay away from it -because it is an undesirable state-, let’s focus to the ‘desired action’ at the other end of the spectrum: Let’s focus on the ideal scenarios of ‘productivity‘, ‘efficiency‘ or being a ‘human-machine of delivering on time’. Does it sound more exciting now?

What is truly expected from us in our daily lives?

Getting things done! Is that really all about that?

Yes, we are all taught, educated & trained for delivering according to this one globally accepted purpose: Getting things done, on time, and in an acceptable quality level as an output. At school, within our families or at work place…we were mostly evaluated according to these criteria. This is a no brainier for everyone, right?

The formula is simple: Be efficient! What does that mean? Get as many things done, during a given period of time, as possible.

After you perform these tasks enough number of times smoothly and consistently, get to the next stage: Increase the number of items on your task list, close & finalize them successfully, within the same period of time!

It sounds like a very familiar, productivity and efficiency oriented setup. It fits into 21. Century slogans, perfectly. There are no surprises, so far There are even some ‘celebrity endorsement quotes’ of this idea, which are frequently circulated. Two examples of them would be:

Pablo Picasso once said: “Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.”

When an artist who answered his calling at a very early age in life says so, it sounds just so right.

You may delay, but time will not.
Benjamin Franklin

A statesman who influences millions of lives daily with his every decision may naturally have a serious sense of urgency regarding his scheduled tasks, as well as the emergency situations. ‘Average Joe-s & plain Jane-s’ have a different perception of time, when it comes to performing daily tasks.

Anatomy of a day that was previously dedicated to complete certain tasks

We all know the common symptoms of those times when we start to repeat certain patterns: It is that day of the week that you had previously planned to complete a certain important -possibly long overdue- task. It is that time of that particular day when we intend to start performing that overdue task. But, hold on! We -all of a sudden- start feeling very energetic, and decide to do a minor task, before starting the ‘major one’. We complete it quickly, but we start swapping from one physical task to another: Cleaning, cooking, washing the dishes, doing laundry, cutting grass, de-cluttering our drawers and shelves…you name it, we all do it! Until that day we all thought we disliked those tasks & errands, but this time it feels different! At this time, they play the role of perfect opportunities to prevent you from doing ‘that other major task’.

Some of us are more aware of such situations -about what is really going on in our minds- than the rest of us. Even those lucky ones happen to notice this pattern usually a bit late, during the last hours of our awake time. At that stage we simply face the bitter fact: Just another day has passed by, and we successfully haven’t done ‘that other thing’, once again. An optimist’s first response could be as follows:

“It is OK, tomorrow is another day. I can do that tomorrow, easily, the first thing in the morning.”

Just to our sincere surprise, the very next day starts and soon comes to an end, without ‘that other thing’ being completed. When enough number of such days & nights are repeated, we start to label ourselves in certain ways.

All excuses & labels in all wrong places

“I know that I am lazy. Mum always told me I was so!”; “I will never have enough discipline to succeed in life. Dad was right about that.”; “I am too much into my entertainment. I don’t have what it takes to have a structure in life.”

Those three would easily be on the ‘TOP 10 SELF BLAMING THOUGHTS of ALL TIME‘, globally! Some of us are a lot harsher and more brutal, when it comes to self-bashing. Please wait for a moment before punching yourself mercilessly. The reason of your procrastination might not be what you thought it was. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Yes, when it comes to understanding the deeply underlying reasons for your procrastination, those self judging labels are nothing else, but the cover of a book. A surface. An outer layer. It is, whatever you may want to call that ‘make-up layer’.

We all want to make certain changes in life, and changing that habit f procrastinating, for example. When does the true change happen in life? What is the formula of bringing that change into life?

Your subconscious mind is hiding a secret

There’s possibly no other & more diplomatic way to say this: You subconscious mind has got a VERY STRONG REASON, for you NOT performing that very action. You’ve been naively interpreting this situation as ‘laziness’ or ‘procrastination’, but the reality lies elsewhere: It lies somewhere deep deep inside you.

The reason might be an emotional past trauma, a misperception you’ve had when you were a child, a simple -but mostly not accurate- conclusion of your subconscious mind. In the language of the subconscious mind, every cause-effect relation is simple, plain, and sometimes even without common sense. You can not blame your subconscious mind for that. It is simply what it is. Your subconscious has  its own reasoning, its own hierarchy, and its own measures for self protection.

It wants nothing else, but the best for you, in its own way. If your subconscious has somehow associated ‘that action’ with ‘danger’, ‘unsafety’, ‘potential harm’ or something similar, you absolutely stand NO CHANCE to bulldoze this situation by merely relying on your willpower.

Additional perspective: Your willpower is a finite source! You wouldn’t want to spend & deplete it, just to finally complete all your daily tasks on your list. Use your willpower wisely!

OK, let’s get back to the secret(s) of our subconscious.

Don’t muscle up! It won’t get you anywhere.

Showing your subconscious mind who the boss is -by brutal power- is almost never a good idea. You can cause deeper ‘fragmentation’ by doing so. Very basically, you will force causing a situation that there will be now ‘two of you, who will have severely different opinions & reasoning about that very matter’.

Your subconscious mind may seem to stand back, as your first impression, but it will develop just another strategy to make sure you WILL skip ‘that action’! If you insist on extending this chess game between you two, your subconscious may manifest a physical illness or a similar temporarily disabling situation. And if you still don’t get the message, things will possibly get more serious.

Let’s make peace

There are better ways to settle this. First things first: Talk to your subconscious mind, in the language of subconscious mind!

You can ask the help of any licensed healing practitioner of many healing modalities, to be the translator between you and your subconscious. Only then, convincing your subconscious for your mutual best & highest good, re-programming your believes & programs, upgrading your ‘human software’ would be much smoother.

Alternatively, you may put yourself in a meditative state, calm your mind, slow down your pulse, and ask yourself the following question:

‘What is absolutely the worst thing that can happen to me, if I start and complete ‘that famous action’?

Be patient. Repeat that question, as many times as it is relevant to…until you get the real reason lying underneath. It is just like many other things. Practice makes it perfect. Don’t give up at the early stages, when the first answers you receive are lame, cheesy or clearly made up. Dive deeper. Sooner or later, your subconscious mind will get tired of this, it will get emotional and impulsive. And at one of those moments -being emotionally very agitated-, it will tell you the truth!

Can you now feel that lightness?

After this point, it is absolutely up to you. You may agree with your subconscious or you may find that reasoning ridiculous, and may decide to over-write it. Please be gentle with yourself. You may also find the common ground. Regardless of the outcome, going through this simple exercise would save you countless hours of negative self-talk, feeling shame, and unconscious self-punishing.

Now, go finish ‘that very famous task‘ that you’ve been procrastinating over for ages…or maybe simply…don’t!  🙂

Kıvanç Öroglu

Healer & Transformative Coach

Image by freepik.com

<a href=’https://www.freepik.com/free-photos-vectors/man’>Man vector created by freepik – www.freepik.com</a>

The post Procrastination is never only procrastination appeared first on Sessions 2 Transform: Healing & Transformative Coaching.

A real life situation

Being in flow is like a tennis game… You can insert any other favorite sports of yours and replace tennis with it, if you wish to. On the other hand, this is LIFE, and many life situations can happen to you and distort the beauty of your flow.

Following, is a real a conversation from somebody’s life. In this part of it, I am on the listening side. It literally could be any of us.

I’ve been meditating for so many months already… I did the ‘selfless work’ for the community… I quit my job through this journey, joined an ashram, joined the yoga practices there, and did it each & every day for 4 hours… I believed that all the materialistic aspects of life were bad in their nature… I believed they were all ego related.

I spent all my savings during the last 2 years. I am down here, stuck in the corner, my back facing the wall.

I expected the UNIVERSE guide me. And it didn’t! I don’t know what to do now. All my ex-colleagues and friends who blamed me in the past for being irresponsible, were right!

There is no god! There are no higher realms! This what we see around us, is ALL THAT IS! There is nothing else than this! I am done, down to square one. I feel lost.

This is just one of many similar situations that I face daily, while listening to my clients. Other clients’ expressions are mostly similar, but usually they add up an extra pace to it, making them lose their breath sometimes.

We have a situation: Amygdala hijacked rest of the brain!

This is a typical ‘Amygdala Hijack’ situation. Neurons are firing! When it occurs, it leaves people under high levels of stress, fear, worry, self-blaming etc. But before that, what is Amygdala?  Encyclopedia Britannica‘s definition of ‘Amygdala‘ in a brief form is below:

Amygdala, region of the brain primarily associated with emotional processes. The amygdala is located in the medial temporal lobe, just anterior to (in front of) the hippocampus. The amygdala is part of the limbic system, a neural network that mediates many aspects of emotion and memory. The amygdala plays a prominent role in mediating many aspects of emotional learning and behavior. There exist a vast array of human emotions, ranging from joy to sadness, disgust to excitement, and regret to satisfaction.

When described in an encyclopedic & neutral form, it leaves the first impression that this amygdala is a well-balanced & well-functioning part of the brain. The ‘Amygdala Hijack‘ situation, on the other hand, is absolutely a different story. It is an immediate and overwhelming emotional response which may be triggered by many visible or invisible factors. The response may be disproportionate to the original stimulus. The reason of being so might be that there may be deeper & hidden emotional triggers. A perceived threat of one’s life, might be a good example for those.

When this hijacking situation takes place, amygdala (indirectly) shuts down the other very important region of the brain, the ‘Prefrontal Cortex‘, which is responsible for most of the rational, analytical & executive functions (planning, decision making, problem solving etc.).

Don’t just take my words and description at the face value! Let’s see Study.com’s definition:

When someone is caught in an amygdala hijack, they tend to react first and think later. As a result, their reactions are primal and highly reactive rather than sound and rational. Its onset also happens so incredibly fast (in a matter of milliseconds) that most people aren’t aware they’re in one until it’s actually over.

Literally, it can happen to anyone

There are many well-known such situations, but my personal favorite is the one performed by the legendary football – Well, ok, ‘Soccer’, if you insist on – player, Zinedine Zidane, of France. He absolutely lost his self-control and head butted (!) Marco Materazzi (an Italian player) in 2006, during the very final minutes of an overtime FIFA World Cup football (soccer) final game between France and Italy. Zidane was kicked out of the game, France lost the World Cup to Italy, most likely because of this action. This last sentence is of course my subjective personal view. His glorious career ended right there, right at that moment! (He had previously announced that this would be the final game of his career).

Being in flow is like a tennis game, and all high level tennis players know this very well. They play the game, their 100% being in that moment. Zidane applied this to his football, most of his career. When he was dribbling with that ball, nothing else mattered. No one could distract him and put him out of ‘his flow’… until that infamous moment. One specific type of stimulus could put him out of his balance, out of his flow.

Zidane, later apologized, especially to all the children because of his inappropriate act. He also commented that Materazzi’s statements (please read it as ‘trash talk‘) provoked him. During those milliseconds of the hijack, Zidane instantly made a choice, and he chose to FIGHT! Commonly, this situation is referred to as, ‘Fight or Flight Response‘.

Health Essentials of Cleveland Clinic describes it in daily language:

“The fight or flight response, or stress response, is triggered by a release of hormones either prompting us to stay and fight or run away and flee,” explains psychologist Carolyn Fisher, PhD. “During the response, all bodily systems are working to keep us alive in what we’ve perceived as a dangerous situation.”

This fight or flight flight response is a simplified version of a complex trauma response series, known as ‘6F response‘.

What happens when a ‘6F’ situation takes place?

‘6F’ situation, as a trauma response, takes place (generally) in the following order: ‘Freeze, Fight, Flight, Fright, Flag and Faint’.

Even when we eliminate the extreme traumatic situations out of the equation, mild forms of emotionally triggering stimuli also may get us ‘kicked out of the game’, just like it did to Zidane.

Needless to explain it in detailed fashion, this place is absolutely NOT the place for being creative, being solution oriented, keeping the focus on the right track. It’s a place where a lot of accusations take place (self or  others). The person keeps on recalling & mentioning the same past events. This usually provides them a lot of material for arguments and inner dialogues. They continuously ask themselves why the rest of the world is so unfair to them. Doing so, helps them in two ways: 1) They play a victim role 2) They rationalize many of their actions. The phase after this one tastes even sweeter: They blame their families, they blame other people, God, Universe etc.

I personally have NEVER experienced it nor observed it in other people’s lives, that UNIVERSE (please read it alternatively as ‘God’, ‘Higher Realms’, ‘The Divine Intelligence’ etc.) would take someone’s hand, open all the doors for them, walk them all the way -still holding their hands-, and take all the relevant steps from A to Z, on their behalf.

It is a tennis game

Universe loves action! Universe (read it your own way, according to your own belief system) loves it when people take action. Once a person makes the decision and takes a step forward, universe always responds. Being in flow is like a tennis game. When the ball is on your half court, you would want to hit the ball and send it to the half court of the universe. As long as you keep doing so, universe will NEVER turn its back to you and leave the court, saying “I don’t want to play this game with you, anymore”.

How would you know which step to take? How will you know in which direction to invest your energy & time.

‘Time’ is an illusion, anyway, but we are buying that illusion, because of how our brains are designed. The current perception of time (an illusion) is hard-coded in our minds. The only true investment here, is our energy, but that deserves to be a separate topic itself, for another article 🙂

Please start asking yourself deep, meaningful and honest questions. The questions that will trigger emotional reactions in you – but for this time – the desired type of reactions. They will start the chain reaction and make you take courageous steps forward, which will make all the difference in your life. One person’s honest & deep question may be different than another, but here are a few examples:  “What does truly make me happy?”, “What does truly matter to me in life?”, “Is there any true meaning in how I am currently living my life?”, and similar ones…

Universe sends us signs

Yes, universe sends us signs. No, not ‘those type of signs’ that we love to keep on waiting for. Not those ones, which we blame for taking so long time to appear. We love to rationalize our procrastination by continuously waiting for the signs 🙂

The signs I am talking about here are different. We all can notice them, hear them, feel them… as long as we pay attention to them.

Universe DOESN’T scream 🙂 Those signs would be, in most cases, calmly & peacefully vibrating messages. They will bring a sort of lightness to your heart… similar to an inspiration. Unless it is an emergency situation, universe doesn’t repeat its messages very often. The other voice that keeps on talking to you inside your mind, repeating the same phrases and the story over and over again – in a compulsive way – would possibly be your EGO.

How to read those signs of Universe?

It takes a calm mind, broad perspective and a sharp intuition, to notice those signs and interpret them accurately. Those are the qualities that shine bright, when the brain operates on one of those lower frequency ranges: A very very low Beta brain frequency, the Alpha brain frequency, or even better, the Theta brain frequency.  Those are the operating frequency ranges of the brain, when the person feels safe, calm, creative etc. During such times, the person will more likely be open, ready for accepting new possibilities.

Those feelings & emotions stand precisely on the opposite side of the spectrum, when a ‘6F’ situation takes place.

Make all your decisions when calm

Easier said than done, I strongly suggest you to pay respect & attention to your intuition and to all those other extrasensory skills you have. They will guide you wisely, but calmly, without imposing anything at you. If you free yourself from taking too long time to observe and to contemplate ONLY (two actions that lead straight to the highway of Procrastination), but also can interpret the signs accurately… and finally take action as a result of it… Then you may live your beautiful life without having to go through many of those Amygdala Hijack situations.

What will possibly follow those beautiful proactive steps? One wise decision will lead to another one! Those decision-based actionable steps that you continuously take, will keep ‘the Universe’ on the tennis court, playing your game, with you! Many doors will keep on opening for you…one after another… with ease & grace 🙂

Kıvanç Öroglu

Transformative Coach & Healer

Photo by Freepik.com

<a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photos-vectors/people”>People photo created by jcomp – www.freepik.com</a>

The post ‘Being in flow’ is like a tennis game appeared first on Sessions 2 Transform: Healing & Transformative Coaching.

Two different forms of change (growth), as we experience them

When do we truly change in life? Is frequently repeated saying “People don’t change” true? Not entirely.

One way that we do change is when our energy field is in the same frequency range, thus compatible with the elements of the desired altered state. Is the explanation too technical? Let’s try another one.

Change truly happens, when our body, mind & spirit fully accept the components of that new perception, decision or action, which will drive the change.

This is surely not the only way how change takes place. This one is the pleasant path leading to change. When our mind, body & spirit are aligned, we even demand the change. So, how does change take place in this smooth form?

Practicing and attaining certain qualities & virtues make it possible: Acceptance, empathy, awareness, perspective, courage and similar ones… This type of change is also known as Satori.

Satori: passion of the awakened

Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith, the founder of the Agape International Spiritual Centre in Los Angeles, talks about two different paths leading to change, thus leading to life growth.

Satori is growth by awakening. They are insights that happen suddenly and change you forever. They can happen anywhere – while you’re in nature, listening to music, looking at art, or in a conversation.

Once you’ve had a Satori moment (think of that “ah-ha!” we’ve all felt when something just clicks), the stuff that holds you back is left in the dust. You’ve levelled up and can operate on a whole new plane.

In such an expansive and flow-like state, change takes place naturally.

Change doesn’t always come easy

When do we truly decide to change in life? That moment of decision might happen when you are swimming in the ocean under the moon light in a bliss state. It may also happen in one of those ‘hitting the bottom hard’ situations.

Can you relate to the following analogy, below?

When change needs to take place, it stands in front of your door and rings the bell patiently , but so only for a while. When unanswered, it starts knocking at the door with its fist. If still no response, then it kicks the door, louder and louder…until… I guess you already got the picture. This type of change also may -and most likely will- lead to growth, but in a different way. And surely, through a different process. This one is called ‘Kensho‘.

Souls crave and demand change as a catalyst, and thus desire to grow, without a doubt. They have a different level of consciousness, wisdom and perspective, than we -our temporal consciousness- have. Our higher selves are interested in the gains of changing and growing, NOT in the details, such as how much we will have to suffer to get there.

Do we really believe in “No Pain No Gain?”

Again, Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith has beautifully described this concept of Kensho:

Kensho is growth by pain. Ultimately, it is the universe giving you tough love. Bottom line: you go through some kind of pain or difficulty which you learn different ways to feel, think, and be. It is like a tectonic shift, you can feel it happening, and mapped over time, it’s clear that your world has changed.

In retrospect, you might even view these events as positive forces that pushed you to challenge beliefs and systems that were holding you back in ways you hadn’t realized. Dr. Beckwith suggests that Kensho is our souls’ way of calling on us to grow.

Neither of these concepts are innately ‘good’ or ‘bad’. They simply represent two different ways as things unfold, in our souls’ quest of reaching its goal: Change & Growth.

It seriously – and perhaps surprisingly – doesn’t matter that much to our souls, how change & growth takes place. How about us, with our 3rd density level of consciousness? It matters a lot to us, and for a good reason.

Anticipated pain: A solid roadblock

Our brains are  hard coded with many programs, to make us run away from danger or pain, so that we survive. And only when the dangerous situation passes by, we start chasing all short term pleasures, once again.

Certain parts of our brains focus only on the present moment and ask one question:

“Is there a risk of having pain in this present moment or not?”

That is the burning question for the early developed parts of our brains.

As a result of this evolutionary component , instant gratification is such a fundamental part of our being. We crave it, we desire it, we immediately feel well after receiving it.

Long term achievements are not that interesting for us, human beings, except our analytical minds.

Please put a mark on previous sentence. It will play a key role to demystify the chemistry of change, later.

Who is in charge of deciding for change?

People tend to NOT see certain things in life, such as limiting believes, programs, learned powerlessness, repeating collective patterns etc. They stay unaware of them, if noticing them in and of itself is painful enough. The responsible character for this ‘overlooking or skipping action’ is no other than our all time best friend, the Subconscious Mind.

The subconscious mind reads the situation as this:

“Change is terrible, it’s a huge risk, an unacceptable situation in itself, and it can mean to jeopardize my life”.

It almost always prefers to keep the Status-quo, even if keeping everything as it is could be more detrimental for the body, mind & the spirit, in the long term.

One great way to avoid change, is Procrastination! One of our all-time favorites. And so many people have been thinking all this time that they were simply so…lazy.  🙂

Calculating risks, minimizing possible future damage and constantly re-evaluating scenarios, fall under the field of expertise of our analytical minds. That would be the prefrontal cortex. But, what if that smart & high IQ compartment of our brain is not even aware of the true situation?

Yes, it may be so, because the subconscious mind loves to keep stuff hidden! It hides them under many many layers of clutter.

Deep tactics of the subconscious mind…but for which purpose?

There are several tactics for hiding a fact, a memory…or simply any data: We may just forget about them. We may also simply lose them.

One major reason that subconscious mind hides the data, is that it is deeply scared of having anything to do with pain! Recalling an old file; an embarrassing memory, a traumatic situation or even a past life drama etc. could be VERY painful!

An even more convincing reason why people (their subconscious minds) don’t see things (skip them on purpose) as they are, is closely related to our initial question: Seeing things as they are could mean having to make some sort of CHANGE, which could be painful to do.

When do we truly change in life? Change starts to happen, the moment our subconscious mind starts believing that changing won’t be painful!

Change without experiencing pain?

When it comes to the assessment of pain, the subconscious mind believes that almost ANY CHANGE is / will be painful. A little less or a little more, but painful.

This is one of the most fundamental reasons why people don’t live their lives fully aware! This is one big reason why they subconsciously choose to stay unaware of their day-to-day reality.

It may be why they keep themselves stuck in an illusion in their lives. Alternatively they lock themselves up in their self-created mental prison cell, and throw the keys out of the window.

Change or not to change?

Please don’t get me wrong. Even the subconscious mind can decide for change. This ‘choice’ usually happens when not changing and resisting it becomes even more painful, compared to various scenarios of changing.

This type of change will take place fast! Everything related to it will be the ‘new norm’ for some time, until another ‘not changing is more painful‘ situation. A situation, when cost of holding on to Status Quo will simply be too high and unsustainable.

We are more than our subconscious minds

Did you ever realize that you are an infinite being with infinite consciousness, in your true essence? We all deserve to change & grow through Satori. The notion of changing and growing through awakening, receiving powerful insights, having fascinating A-Ha moments, may sound too intellectual to our subconscious minds. What we may choose to do, could be to convince our concerned & fearful friend, in a step by step approach.

Please make it a daily habit to ask this following question to yourself:

“What is absolutely the worst thing that could happen to me, because of this change?”

After receiving each answer, repeat your question: “And what is the worst thing that could happen after that, if so and so happens?”

Please repeat asking this question to yourself until you run out of all the shallow answers (excuses). Sooner or later, the true answer will be revealed.

After this marathon of Q&A, you will perhaps notice that all previously stated reasons as excuses to resist the change, were simply part of the mis-perception of the subconscious: An illusion!

Pure awareness helps us change (grow) smoothly

When do we truly change in life? Changing will become smooth & easy after we repeat this Q&A process enough number of times, and realize what is true and what is an illusion.

After enough repetitions, even the subconscious mind will start getting convinced about the benefits of changing, thus growing. Once it is convinced enough, locking itself up in a mental prison cell and throwing the keys out of the window, will be a thing of the past.

Kıvanç Öroglu

Transformative Coach & Healer

Thank you for reading! Subscribe to receive my articles that can inspire you to start walking on your own healing journey.

If one of the stories or instances in the article resonates with you, please share your story with me. I am always inspired with great stories that are genuine and heart centered.

PS:

This article above reflects my experience based on working as a healer with many people. People, who were seeking some answers in their lives, and each of them was on a different spot on their personal journeys. Even today, these situations continue to be my day-to-day experience with these beautiful souls. No specific details are mentioned in the article.

 — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Images & citation:

Image: The Satir Change Model

The Satir Change Model is a five-stage model (see graph) that describes the effects each stage of the change has on feelings, thinking, performance, and physiology. It was developed by Virginia Satir.

The post When do we truly change in life? appeared first on Sessions 2 Transform: Healing & Transformative Coaching.