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Are you truly ready to take the red pill?

Please don’t be offended, dear reader. I am neither challenging nor questioning your capacity of opening yourself to the higher truth. I am not implying at all that you are not mature or enlightened enough to handle the reality.Taking the red pill and its aftermath might get more complex than you might anticipate. Therefore, please think before you take it.

Speaking of the ‘reality‘, it would be very beneficial to remind that an INFINITE NUMBER OF realities exist, on different dimensions and planes. Anything that is a part of our daily lives as a ‘reality’ here on the 3rd plane, might not be the reality on different dimensions, planes or even on different timelines.

After reminding it, let’s focus on ‘our reality‘, as we commonly experience it here on planet Earth.

How similar & comparable is the situation of taking the red pill in  spiritual sense, to that other red pill, which became legendary in urban lexicon, thanks to the movie “Matrix’? Remarkably similar!

Are we talking about the same red pill?

Do you remember those famous quotes of the fictional movie character ‘Morpheus‘ (by Laurance Fishburne)  from the original 1.movie, ‘The Matrix’, released in year 1999?

Let’s shortly remind ourselves, how Morpheus character described the choice between taking the ‘Red pill vs. Blue pill’ to other immortal character “Neo” in the same movie:

This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

I am about to offer you the same chance to make a decision, just like Morpheus did for Neo. One thing is crucial to accept & understand: It is absolutely up to our free will to decide taking the red pill or to return it. Think before you take it. It will be for our best & highest good, if the decision of ‘taking the red pill’ is 100% backed up by our free will, thus we honor our basic human right of freedom of choice.

“Will I look like a looser if I don’t take the red pill?”

Don’t make such a decision while feeling under peer pressure. Worrying about what other people (your family, your circle of friends, your peers in your spiritual circle etc.) would possibly think about you, will  NOT serve you in the best & highest way. Therefore, think before you take it. Once you take the red pill, the possible consequences -the beauty & freedom it will bring to your life, as well as the struggle- of your decision will become part of YOUR daily life, NOT THEIRS.

Profound A-Ha moments, self-realization and synchronicities will likely start to happen in your daily life. Once you decide taking the red pill, your your vibration will start increasing. There will be numerous beautiful & profound experiences in your day-to-day life, in various forms of ‘EUREKA effect‘. Each of these experiences will possibly make your day, they will motivate you to continue on your journey, for diving deeper, going farther and seeing broader.

What I briefly described above is absolutely NOT the whole picture! The way you vibrate and its frequency will change. Your inner light (divine essence) will start to shine brighter and brighter… which will turn you to a clear target of lower vibratory beings of any kind: Human or non-human. These are the so-called ‘Energy Vampires‘.

“What do you mean by ‘Energy Vampires‘?”

Energy vampires and their intentions vary. At the lower end there are relatively innocent chatter boxes. Somewhere in the mid-section we may find the archetype of friends or acquaintances who often have something to complain about. On the other end of the spectrum there are non-physical beings that intend to feed themselves off of your energy reserves. A better developed awareness will help you shape your responses towards the human ones for sure. Thanks to your higher awareness, you can firstly spot them, understand their patterns, and secondly put a distance between yourselves and them.

It is not that easy to detect & notice all of them right on spot! Some non-physical forms are true masters of hiding themselves. They may be regularly placing the seeds of negative thoughts, such as worry, anxiety, feeling isolated, being judgemental etc., and you wouldn’t even notice that you are under their influence.

As a result of taking the red pill, you will possibly become more and more attractive for these thought or energy forms. That’s why I keep on repeating it: “Think before you take it.”

“I thought I would become invincible by taking the red pill”

Becoming fully aware of ‘the matrix’, making conscious decisions, awakening yourself, and then eventually becoming ‘invincible‘, is surely going to happen to you, but in the long run.

Before that takes place, you will need to walk (or run or fly above) your path. Becoming fully awaken, conscious & enlightened is NOT going to happen overnight! The brighter your inner light will shine, the more of a ‘prospect‘ you will seem to those various thought & energy forms. They will probably do all their tricks to attach themselves on you, perhaps gradually start invading your energy field, and -in extreme cases- own you.

This is a game for them. It is not a game of a naive, playful & child-like sense and context. Its their game of survival and their polarity of serving themselves!

Downsides of taking the red pill

Without getting ourselves into unnecessary details, for the sake of easy-readability of this article, it is sufficient for you to know now, the following: Some of these beings are unwillingly stuck here on this dimension & plane, which may be caused by a wide variety of reasons. Those beings need to attach themselves to a higher source of life energy. The brighter your inner light becomes, the more you will attract their attention, thus they will want to attach themselves onto you.

Yes, there are certain practices and exercises to protect your energy field. Some of those practices will help you fairly well. However, we are creatures of multi-layers and we stored plenty of past experiences, emotions, beliefs, programs, related to them. These entities or thought forms will likely trigger all the unresolved issues that you still carry in your field.

To your surprise, you may even be subconsciously permitting these entities to stay within your energy field and suck your energy. These possible agreements need to be detected, cancelled and replaced with the most suitable forms on energies. You may put yourself in a deep meditative state for scanning your field, finding out such programs and replace them. Alternatively, you may ask for the help of an experienced, well-trained and a certified healer, to do it for you.

Once you take the red pill, your personal marathon starts!

After taking the red pill, there is only one way to walk or run: In the direction of light! This is your life, this is your personal marathon. You don’t need to run with all your power. You can walk, jog, run, sprint… it is all up to you. Once it starts, there would be only one thing I humbly suggest you NOT to do: Do not stop fully!

Bottom line is the following: After taking the red pill you can not stop your personal journey of healing yourself! Are you not so sure of what healing is and what self-healing can mean for you? Please read my related article.

Once you take hero’s journey, you simply can not give up working on all your issues one after another, resolve them, forgive all the people involved in -including yourself- all major situations, and then eventually heal yourself. If you give up running this marathon, your daily life will slowly become almost unbearable for you to live it. And it’s not only about this, but also the following fact: You simply can not return to your old life, as if nothing had happened!

Think therefore, before you take it, so that the decision will be 100% yours, and you won’t have the slightest possibility to blame anybody and anything, for your conscious decision. Once you accept & embrace yourself as you are, and take ownership and full the responsibility, your journey will start. The journey might take you a long time, but once it is completed, you may think as this: “It was so much worth it!”

Kıvanç Öroglu

Healer & Transformative Coach

Photo: <a href=’https://www.freepik.com/photos/hand’>Hand photo created by drobotdean – www.freepik.com</a>

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Those sensations that we all feel, but can not explain

Scene 1: There’s this decision standing right in front of you. It is some minutes before the deadline of some very attractive looking offer on the web, but you need to invest some considerable amount to purchase it. You have a very good feeling about it, but some part of you is also afraid of losing that money, because of it turning out a scam! What if it is a scam? You can clearly imagine how you would feel right after finding out that you were deceived. This is the situation you find yourself in. What are you going to do? Will you go with your gut feeling? Or will you surrender to your worries?

Scene 2: A friend is telling you the details of this great investment opportunity on a Friday evening, after a long working day. This friend of yours is listing a group of very convincing reasons why you should not hesitate but take that chance straight away. He tells he would do it himself, but he is  currently low in funds. Everyone around the table agree with him and they are all excited for you, already. It sounds great, but there is this sense of contraction in your abdominal area, as if someone is mildly squeezing it. You are feeling confused. All he is telling you is so convincing that it is almost flawless. Your mind can not think of any reason, why you wouldn’t take it. What if you hesitate for long and someone else will take it instead of you? What if all the peers around that table would think you are a chicken…something? How is your response going to be? Will you go with your gut feeling and turn the offer or will you surrender to the peer pressure?

Alright, I added those time-sensitive elements to those two scenarios, in order to spice it up a bit. Please be my guest and take out those elements of deadlines out of those two stories. The dilemma will still probably be there, only to be experienced mildly, this time.

Is there no app that can decide for us?

Taking a deep breath and trusting your gut might take some courage, but  it wasn’t always this way. it used to be a daily practice for Homo sapiens sapiens for millennia, let alone many other species that entirely relied -and they still do- on their gut and instincts. Intuition and instinct kept humans safe for thousands of years, even though these two are different sources of intelligence. As we’ve evolved, we’ve become more sophisticated, learned to observe, collect data, rely on that data, repeat our learned responses, and later discredited our gut as ‘primitive’ or ‘unreliable’.

The more we observed others and learned from their mistakes -without precisely knowing the true dynamics behind those mistakes-, the more cautious we became. Those reference points became more sensitive. Then we hopelessly lost ourselves in the quest of ‘collecting more data’. A lot of data! That was our only true hope which we thought that substantial amounts of data would assist us greatly, so that we can meet our decisions easily, in our peace of mind. We started feeling not any true motivation to go with our gut feeling.

The more data we collected, the less decisive we became. Approximately sometime around there on the timeline, we learned to postpone our decisions. There are plenty of business strategists & consultants out there, who advise their clients to postpone their decisions as long as they can, until they have enough data(!) to lean on. Does it even exist, to collect ‘enough data’, at any time?

There is another element in this equation

We like to see ourselves as objective, smart and logical beings, when it comes to making decisions. Our brains use logic quite intensively during the decision making process, but also involve emotions in it. Many of us are not aware of it, but it is very difficult to escape the fact that we’re all prone to biases. We mostly take our emotions heavily into consideration while coming to a conclusion.

According to the book “Discovering Psychology” by Don Hockenbury and Sandra E. Hockenbury, an emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioral or expressive response.(1)

Have you ever felt your stomach swing & twist from anxiety? Have your palms ever started to sweat all of a sudden, because of worrying? If you are familiar with such situations then you must have already realized that emotions also cause strong physiological and physical reactions.

This is the point where you, dear reader, take the lead and ask me the following question: “Hold on! Did you just mention the stomach as an example of a physical reaction, triggered by an emotion? I thought gut feelings we mostly feel, are in that area. How can we be sure which one we are dealing with?”

Let’s get clarity and the discernment

You have the very right to ask this question, and my hint for you would be so: “Emotional reactions are mostly about the fear of repeating past experiences, and they have some ‘panicky’ tone in it. Gut feeling, however, radiates a certainty in itself, and focuses solely on the current situation. It has a self-assuring tone in it. Its certainty is not based on any data nor does it rely on any logical thinking. It simply knows. It knows it, as if it connected to a certain network of… universal wisdom.

Trusting your gut feeling is different than constantly listening to your self-doubts. It is also different than your instinct, which is described in Collins Dictionary as “The natural tendency that a person or animal has to behave or react in a particular way.” Instincts are mostly ‘hard-coded’ in your DNA. Intuition or that gut feeling is more dynamic. It varies according to circumstances.

There surely is some serious amount of confusion regarding the terminology out there on the web. Some people differentiate gut feeling from intuition, but I see them as very closely cooperating team mates.

What if you ask an old friend for help?

Well-trained and sincerely trusted gut feeling can give us such signals & messages, that mountains of data can not!

Algorithms that are generated by AI can give you the best possibility / probability calculations, but not that ‘unlikely possible option’, that may just come true.

Having a razor-sharp intuition and interpreting your gut reactions accurately might not happen overnight. Similar to almost everything in life, it takes practice. How about starting small?

How to include your gut feeling as a tool in your life?

Here, it can be your road map on your quest of developing a closer relationship with your gut reactions & intuition:

• When it is time for a fast decision -no time for data research- and when the stakes are low, see it as an opportunity to train yourself. Improve your communication with your gut.
• Pay attention to your initial thought before the analytical mind -and then emotions, and then references of past experiences and similar others- kicks in. Your first thought would provide you the clearest picture. It takes awareness to pay attention to it, therefore ‘practice it!’
• Now you know how to differentiate gut reaction from emotions, instincts etc. Pay deeper attention to all of those to become more accurate of knowing ‘which one is which’.
• Take it a step further: Create situations that you will need to rely on your intuition & gut feeling. Don’t miss those chances. Add some feeling of curiosity into it, and turn it into a game. A game, for which you may even keep a score card, displaying the accuracy of your recent gut reactions. 🙂

Important Note:

Please don’t forget it: You don’t need to go for an “all or nothing’ approach! if there’s enough time, if the circumstances require you to collect more data, and if the stakes are too high, you may decide to come to a logical & analytical conclusion, after your careful & longer consideration. Just feel free to take a ‘blend of the best of two worlds’.

Kıvanç Öroglu

Healer & Transformative coach

Illustration: <a href=’https://www.freepik.com/free-photos-vectors/people’>People vector created by pch.vector – www.freepik.com</a>

(1) Hockenbury, D. and Hockenbury, S.E. (2007). Discovering Psychology. New York: Worth Publishers.

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Procrastination is never ONLY procrastination!

Since ‘Procrastination’ is an act that we publicly damn and try to stay away from it -because it is an undesirable state-, let’s focus to the ‘desired action’ at the other end of the spectrum: Let’s focus on the ideal scenarios of ‘productivity‘, ‘efficiency‘ or being a ‘human-machine of delivering on time’. Does it sound more exciting now?

What is truly expected from us in our daily lives?

Getting things done! Is that really all about that?

Yes, we are all taught, educated & trained for delivering according to this one globally accepted purpose: Getting things done, on time, and in an acceptable quality level as an output. At school, within our families or at work place…we were mostly evaluated according to these criteria. This is a no brainier for everyone, right?

The formula is simple: Be efficient! What does that mean? Get as many things done, during a given period of time, as possible.

After you perform these tasks enough number of times smoothly and consistently, get to the next stage: Increase the number of items on your task list, close & finalize them successfully, within the same period of time!

It sounds like a very familiar, productivity and efficiency oriented setup. It fits into 21. Century slogans, perfectly. There are no surprises, so far There are even some ‘celebrity endorsement quotes’ of this idea, which are frequently circulated. Two examples of them would be:

Pablo Picasso once said: “Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.”

When an artist who answered his calling at a very early age in life says so, it sounds just so right.

You may delay, but time will not.
Benjamin Franklin

A statesman who influences millions of lives daily with his every decision may naturally have a serious sense of urgency regarding his scheduled tasks, as well as the emergency situations. ‘Average Joe-s & plain Jane-s’ have a different perception of time, when it comes to performing daily tasks.

Anatomy of a day that was previously dedicated to complete certain tasks

We all know the common symptoms of those times when we start to repeat certain patterns: It is that day of the week that you had previously planned to complete a certain important -possibly long overdue- task. It is that time of that particular day when we intend to start performing that overdue task. But, hold on! We -all of a sudden- start feeling very energetic, and decide to do a minor task, before starting the ‘major one’. We complete it quickly, but we start swapping from one physical task to another: Cleaning, cooking, washing the dishes, doing laundry, cutting grass, de-cluttering our drawers and shelves…you name it, we all do it! Until that day we all thought we disliked those tasks & errands, but this time it feels different! At this time, they play the role of perfect opportunities to prevent you from doing ‘that other major task’.

Some of us are more aware of such situations -about what is really going on in our minds- than the rest of us. Even those lucky ones happen to notice this pattern usually a bit late, during the last hours of our awake time. At that stage we simply face the bitter fact: Just another day has passed by, and we successfully haven’t done ‘that other thing’, once again. An optimist’s first response could be as follows:

“It is OK, tomorrow is another day. I can do that tomorrow, easily, the first thing in the morning.”

Just to our sincere surprise, the very next day starts and soon comes to an end, without ‘that other thing’ being completed. When enough number of such days & nights are repeated, we start to label ourselves in certain ways.

All excuses & labels in all wrong places

“I know that I am lazy. Mum always told me I was so!”; “I will never have enough discipline to succeed in life. Dad was right about that.”; “I am too much into my entertainment. I don’t have what it takes to have a structure in life.”

Those three would easily be on the ‘TOP 10 SELF BLAMING THOUGHTS of ALL TIME‘, globally! Some of us are a lot harsher and more brutal, when it comes to self-bashing. Please wait for a moment before punching yourself mercilessly. The reason of your procrastination might not be what you thought it was. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Yes, when it comes to understanding the deeply underlying reasons for your procrastination, those self judging labels are nothing else, but the cover of a book. A surface. An outer layer. It is, whatever you may want to call that ‘make-up layer’.

We all want to make certain changes in life, and changing that habit f procrastinating, for example. When does the true change happen in life? What is the formula of bringing that change into life?

Your subconscious mind is hiding a secret

There’s possibly no other & more diplomatic way to say this: You subconscious mind has got a VERY STRONG REASON, for you NOT performing that very action. You’ve been naively interpreting this situation as ‘laziness’ or ‘procrastination’, but the reality lies elsewhere: It lies somewhere deep deep inside you.

The reason might be an emotional past trauma, a misperception you’ve had when you were a child, a simple -but mostly not accurate- conclusion of your subconscious mind. In the language of the subconscious mind, every cause-effect relation is simple, plain, and sometimes even without common sense. You can not blame your subconscious mind for that. It is simply what it is. Your subconscious has  its own reasoning, its own hierarchy, and its own measures for self protection.

It wants nothing else, but the best for you, in its own way. If your subconscious has somehow associated ‘that action’ with ‘danger’, ‘unsafety’, ‘potential harm’ or something similar, you absolutely stand NO CHANCE to bulldoze this situation by merely relying on your willpower.

Additional perspective: Your willpower is a finite source! You wouldn’t want to spend & deplete it, just to finally complete all your daily tasks on your list. Use your willpower wisely!

OK, let’s get back to the secret(s) of our subconscious.

Don’t muscle up! It won’t get you anywhere.

Showing your subconscious mind who the boss is -by brutal power- is almost never a good idea. You can cause deeper ‘fragmentation’ by doing so. Very basically, you will force causing a situation that there will be now ‘two of you, who will have severely different opinions & reasoning about that very matter’.

Your subconscious mind may seem to stand back, as your first impression, but it will develop just another strategy to make sure you WILL skip ‘that action’! If you insist on extending this chess game between you two, your subconscious may manifest a physical illness or a similar temporarily disabling situation. And if you still don’t get the message, things will possibly get more serious.

Let’s make peace

There are better ways to settle this. First things first: Talk to your subconscious mind, in the language of subconscious mind!

You can ask the help of any licensed healing practitioner of many healing modalities, to be the translator between you and your subconscious. Only then, convincing your subconscious for your mutual best & highest good, re-programming your believes & programs, upgrading your ‘human software’ would be much smoother.

Alternatively, you may put yourself in a meditative state, calm your mind, slow down your pulse, and ask yourself the following question:

‘What is absolutely the worst thing that can happen to me, if I start and complete ‘that famous action’?

Be patient. Repeat that question, as many times as it is relevant to…until you get the real reason lying underneath. It is just like many other things. Practice makes it perfect. Don’t give up at the early stages, when the first answers you receive are lame, cheesy or clearly made up. Dive deeper. Sooner or later, your subconscious mind will get tired of this, it will get emotional and impulsive. And at one of those moments -being emotionally very agitated-, it will tell you the truth!

Can you now feel that lightness?

After this point, it is absolutely up to you. You may agree with your subconscious or you may find that reasoning ridiculous, and may decide to over-write it. Please be gentle with yourself. You may also find the common ground. Regardless of the outcome, going through this simple exercise would save you countless hours of negative self-talk, feeling shame, and unconscious self-punishing.

Now, go finish ‘that very famous task‘ that you’ve been procrastinating over for ages…or maybe simply…don’t!  🙂

Kıvanç Öroglu

Healer & Transformative Coach

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In a world that we are being taught to doubt ourselves – directly, by our caretakers, teachers and indirectly, by many pop-culture elements – beginning from early ages, it is a natural outcome that self-doubting became a part of our decision making process. When to listen to self-doubt and when not? According to our teachers: All the time! They even sold us the act of doubting ourselves as being ‘sure-footed‘ or ‘risk avoiding’, thus a ‘virtue‘!

And did they ever mention the risk of over-doubting yourselves? No, they most likely haven’t. This habit of over-doubting might lead to a serious mental health problem.

When should you listen to your self-doubt and when you shouldn’t?

The word ‘should’ might easily sound irritating to many, but it may help some of us pay more attention to the following sentence: Self-doubt loving adults often try to save themselves -and others- from falling into ‘disastrous situations’…like a wrong career choice…or a wrong choice for a romantic partner. Making wrong choices in any of those mentioned cases is no fun by any means! But, what about the growth that may take place, because of those experiences?

Please keep in mind: Staying in our very strictly described comfort zones & NOT making those choices, can make us feel stuck in life. When we feel so, we usually can not understand the reason and ask ourselves that same question, over and over again. “Why do I feel stuck in my life?” When you can not figure out why you created this experience (of feeling stuck) in your life, you may start getting headaches. And the energy that is meant to flow in & around all your body -through your energy centers or ‘chakras‘- will get more stuck.

Short summary: Continuously self-doubting may lead to inaction in life, which possibly may lead to feeling stuck in life!

There are several of those inner voices

Not all second thoughts are negative. Some of them may save us from serious trouble.

It may be difficult for many of us to distinguish between self-doubt that mostly holds us back from success / creativity / growth, and the inner voice or that gut feeling, which could actually help you avoid a disaster.

As an intuitive and a healer, let me tell you the difference: It’s about the ‘vibration‘ of that inner voice.

Inner voices according to their vocalizers

Self-doubting is closely related to one of the basic human emotions: Fear! In this case, it is mostly about the fear of failure. And our Ego absolutely hates the risk of failure. When ego senses any slightest risk of failure, it uses ‘self-doubting’ as a tool to scare us, so that we would immediately give up that risky-looking action.

If we don’t immediately give up, Ego increases its pitch, and it chooses a harsher vocabulary to make us stop considering that risky action. And what if we still don’t give up? A stronger voice of ‘self-doubt’ will echo in our heads. I assume that you’ve got the picture. The characteristics of this inner voice (Ego) here are: Nervous, anxious, unsure, loud and repetitive.

The characteristics of the other inner voice (higher-self) that wants to save us from trouble would be: Calm, certain, loving, confident, peaceful, wise and non-repetitive!

It doesn’t necessarily mean that the wise inner voice of our higher-self warns us only once. What it means is that, it surely doesn’t push you to change your mind, in a compulsive, fearful, and auto-repeating mode.

How to differentiate between the ego and our higher-selves?

My humble advice to anyone, who simply can not be sure of the source of their self-doubt, would be simple but very efficient: Sit down, close your eyes, take a few slow, but deep breathes in & out (if you have a regular meditation practice you can also do that), and focus your attention to the source of that self-doubting voice. How does it vibrate? Is it peaceful? Is it somewhat anxious? Is it repeating itself non-stop? Is fear of failure the focal point of this inner voice?

With some practice, you will slowly, but surely develop a fine understanding about such situations. And after attaining that awareness, perhaps you may find yourself thinking of creative solutions instead of vocalizing the usual self-doubt. You may prefer to act boldly instead of focusing on why you can’t do it.

Sometimes what you just need to do is taking risk, which may open the door for you to all new possibilities.

I encourage you to challenge your self-doubt, mildly & wisely.

Kıvanç Öroglu

Healer & Transformative Coach

IMAGE:

Photo by Media Lab from FreeImages

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Healing, as part of our nature

So many people talk about it, only few truly understand what that is. What is healing? Who is a healer? What do these people (claim to) do?

Wikipedia has the following definition on ‘healing’:

Healing is the process of the restoration of health from an unbalanced, diseased, damaged or unvitalized organism. The result of healing can be to cure the cause of a health challenge, but one can grow without being cured or heal without “a cure”

Dictionary.com provides a more narrow and basic definition of it

Our bodies are self-healing organisms. They are designed to do so – not particularly due to a recent ‘programming’ by someone, some group or some organization – but as a result of the thousands years of evolution. Self-healing is orchestrated by our ‘innate intelligence’. (The covert programs of creating hybrid human beings could be the topic of another article).

Becoming aware of our super powers

Some people call this mechanism of self-healing as the “inner auto-pilot”. Self–healing is the totality of things you can intend, think, imagine and do, to optimize your internal system function more efficiently. Be it that you literally seek to alleviate your physical wounds, optimize your bodily functions or simply heal your emotional wounds, there’s likely a self–healing tool for you. Some of those self-healing tools could be as simple as becoming aware of your own super powers of self healing. Some of the other modalities could easily be learned and practiced over time.

Becoming more self aware of your own natural self healing powers may give your well-being a boost, only by itself. The root causes of many illnesses are more emotional & energetic than biochemical. The only way many people will get well is to treat the emotional, psychological, and spiritual ‘unease’ that later converts into ‘disease’! That very disease which usually manifests as physical symptoms in body.

Our modern main stream science & medicine primarily focuses on diagnosing symptoms of an illness, and then prescribing a certain medicine in various forms of intake. That very medicine quite often suppresses the symptoms rather than healing the illness, for good. Self–healing, on the other hand, involves observing, thinking and behaving wisely, and fully consciously. And the particular type of consciousness I am talking about here is this:

Disease – remarkably often – occurs when we insistingly continue to either abuse our bodies through a certain period of time of – accompanied by the act of ignoring the natural signals & warnings of our bodies – or when we continuously don’t give our bodies what it needs to keep us healthy. Once all our reserves get depleted, our bodies eventually fall into the state of ‘disease’ or simply ‘illness’.

Now we are more aware of it! What’s next?

Here we begin to notice what’s been continuously blocking our self-healing abilities and we start to remove them, one by one. Common examples to those may be any unfavorable environmental condition, any toxic person around us or simply a subconscious self-sabotaging pattern. Once the illness-causing stimuli are over, our bodies – orchestrated by our minds – will simply start the self-healing process. No calculus, no Nobel prize winning mathematical equations, no occult teachings required… as simple as that!

In this step of removal of the blockages – visible ones or not – might get a little tricky. Some of those unbalancing elements in our lives could be so obvious that even a person we recently met could quickly tell. In some other cases, a root cause of an illness could simply be obscured… by anything… even by our own subconscious will! Here we go again: Our old friend subconscious mind that wants nothing, but the best for us. They want the best for us, in their own very specific way & fashion.

Because of this action of the subconscious, you might find yourself in a loop of repeating situations, from which you may not find a way out. You may feel that you are stuck in life or stuck in a specific condition. Because of being too close to the core issue, you may be simply overlooking at it. These are all very common situations.

Help may be needed to reveal the root cause

Our subconscious friend might have been convinced by one of those millions of reasons, for hiding that root cause. A reason, that you and I could never truly understand, as long as we stay thinking in our Beta brain waves range. Beta brain waves are those we operate within during the most of our waking hours. We simply can not find out the reasoning of the subconscious, by using the tools of our analytical minds.

A different approach might be needed. Some help. A person who practices different tools & techniques, might be very helpful to enter the zone of the subconscious mind. Once we are in ‘the zone’ we may understand the misperception that caused the illness, in the first place. After that, we simply can reprogram it.

Oops, ‘Reprogramming’! That’s a sensitive word

Reprogramming! Common people might form a picture in their minds of someone, who writes codes for software programming.  Or even a worse image: A mind controlling technique!

In fact, it is a lot more ‘humane’ than that! Those so-called brain re-programming tools & techniques are communicating with our brains, in the language of the subconscious mind.

And there is absolutely one crucial principal, when applying any of those tools & techniques: The FREE WILL of the person, who is on the receiving end!

Every single change, new download or upgrade takes place after the healee’s verbal confirmation.

Any person who doesn’t respect the free will of the healee, simply doesn’t fall into the category of a ‘healer’! None of the well-known disciplines, teaching or healing modalities, would accept and tolerate it. It is a crucial part of the ethical code.

Who is this ‘Healer’ person?

Collins Dictionary describes the healer as the following:

A healer is a person who heals people, especially a person who heals through prayer and religious faith.

That’s a narrow and old fashioned definition , that reflects the old view of it. Yes, prayer and religious faith might be part of the healing – especially related to the intention -, but it is broader than that.

My personal definition is below:

A healer is someone, who channels the divine intelligence, while uncovering the underlying root cause(s) that create(s) the state of disease, changes or updates these root causes. A healer steers the healing energy from the source (of all creation) to the person who is at the receiving side, playing overall an intermediary role. A healer is someone, who optimizes the self-healing process, which otherwise may take longer time, without the coordination of this person.

Is there only one way to heal?

There are countless number of healing modalities, from the very ancient wisdom teachings to the very popular new ones. The new modalities blend ancient teachings with the ever expanding scientific data provided by the likes of neuroscience, quantum physics (mechanics), sacred geometry, epi-genetics, and similar ones.

Each of these are focusing to one or multiple expressions of the universal healing energy, which comes from THE ONE SOURCE. Each of these modalities are accessing that ONE SOURCE in a different way, following various procedures. They happen to focus on different components of healing. As long as they respect the fundamental universal laws (and the vast majority of them do), all the practitioners of these various modalities are legit and they truly can help you. Not only they may help you to heal a specific condition that you’ve been suffering from, but also help you so start your own healing journey. And that personal journey will surely transform your life.

Kıvanç Öroglu

Transformative coach & Healer

IMAGE:

Photo by Brad Harrison from FreeImages

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Since the infamous pandemic and all the related stories started dominating all headlines, we have possibly read many articles, including the term ‘unprecedented times’ somewhere in it. Most people agree that we are living in such times, some have their objections. Let’s agree that the last 12 weeks or so, were remarkably different than the same period of 2019, to say the least. How about our professions, in particular? Did we find ourselves providing more of transformative coaching & healing through these unprecedented times?

How was it before? In which ways are we challenged?

We have been living our fast paced, transaction based and result oriented lives, until one state after another started to impose the lock-down measures. It was a new situation for the vast majority of us. We didn’t have any similar reference points to compare it with. It was ‘unprecedented’. How did we cope with this new reality, when most of us had to stay at home? Many people responded by ‘getting back to the basics’. They spent more ‘quality time’ with their loved ones. The life itself and its tempo slowed down. At least, in the perception of our minds.

Some of us started reading more books. Some, decided to get really creative and they started preparing their own homemade recipes for any sort of food imaginable. Others have focusied on learning a new language, through these home-stay weeks & months. However, there was a constant question circulating the minds of people: “When will the ‘Normalization’ start?”

How did the ecosystem of coaches & healers respond to it?

How does this term of ‘unprecedented times’ translate into our world of coaching and healing industry? Surely, almost every coach and healer went ‘online’, not having any other true options left for them. Many of us focused on ‘group coaching sessions’. Group meditations became even more popular and common. Coaches and even worldwide known ‘personal brands’ started sharing a lot of free content, in incomparable amounts prior to the lock-down period. Ok, those happened to be the -relatively- new practices in medium of coaching, technology, diversification and marketing. How about the ‘content’? What did the coaching / healing clients demand differently, during the sessions?

In two major directions: 1) New strategies to generate more money & additional streams of income. 2) New tools for having truly deep insights, rediscovering their true identity, the meaning of their lives, and their life purpose.

Needless to say, those 2 group of people need to be approached differently. My clientele is falling into the second group of people, heavily.

Is there only one right way to respond to it?

‘Unprecedented times’ already influenced so many aspects of our lives, in so many unexpected ways. What about people’s deep and sincere thoughts about themselves? And how about the coaching / healing questions that we ask our clients? Could transformative coaching & healing industry adjust its tools through these unprecedented times?

What I set my focus on during these times was helping people to face and understand their own deepest truth. Existential truth. The truth related to their creation, purpose, mission and values.

Focusing on ‘values’, ‘mission’ and ‘life purpose’ during those coaching sessions might seem -at least to some of us- as, ‘wasting precious coaching time’. This perception is an alarm bell, for remarkably many people. Those many people perceive that situation of focusing on values, life purpose etc., as ‘postponing achievement date of the future results’… Those ‘promised lands’ of measurable results.

What are we usually expected to do according to the values of the mainstream society? To immediately focus on the goal of ‘getting that promotion’, ‘impress the board of directors’ or ‘earn those 7-figures per year’. In most of the cases, those measurable goals are mentioned during the very first coaching session with a new coaching client. Nobody seems to be in favor of losing that ‘very precious time’! “Paving the road to success should clearly be the focus during every minute of that session! Isn’t that common sense for everyone?” Ehhm, perhaps it was so…until…?

How about aligning those measurable goals with the notions of ‘personal values’, ‘meaning of life’ according to every individual, and the person’s ‘life purpose’? Immediate response to this in the past could be as the following one: “No, why do so? How can they possibly help to achieve those goals? Back to the strategy and tactics, please.”

It may very likely surprise many coaching clients to realize their emotional state, but only in later months: ‘Achieving the goal’ actually didn’t elevate their levels of happiness, joy, inner peace, an overall sense of well-being, for a long term. They are back in that ‘success craving mode’. Surprise surprise!

Here it starts getting tricky

Rather than strictly holding on to those practical coaching tools and following them with a precise order… in a road map-like fashion… how about letting those worries go and allow ourselves be guided with our own inner wisdom & intuition? No, I am not mad, and no, I haven’t watched too many of those Star Wars episodes. “May ‘the Force’ be with us all” 🙂

Our inner wisdom wants us to become the best and the most ‘compatible version’ of ourselves, within our life purpose, soul contract… whatever you would like to call it.

It is so common and so humane that our logical / analytical mind step in, right at this stage, and starts censoring any other inputs or influences, which it labels as, ‘vague’, woo woo’, ‘adventurous’, ‘irresponsible’, or ‘not safe enough’.

As a matter of fact, I highly recommend you to underline the sentence above, with a thick red marker, and read it out loud, preferably 3 or 4 times! Only by doing so, this truth about the mechanics of our brains may begin  to sink in. 🙂 Yes, even though it may seem very simple and basic to many people, it usually takes more time to fully accept and comprehend it.

Somebody is behaving a little inflexibly here

The cautious mind (please read it as the subconscious mind + the ‘Ego’, as a package here) has a religiously strong belief: “When it comes to evaluating situations and making decisions, no external person or no other consciousness (including the other internal consciousness centers) can know the needs of ‘the self’ better than I can!

Because of the absolutism, it is a true challenge to calm down this part of the mind and get yourself open up to other new possibilities; be it a new perspective, approach or even a new light projected on current matters.

Here comes the point: Our minds almost always approve ONLY the safe options! The reasonable choices, containing familiar elements. Anything unknown is considered unsafe, therefore a huge “No” would be the immediate answer to them. And please trust me: Every mind has this unlimited access to a huge database of reference events -mostly from our past-, full of failure, humiliation, ridicule, emotional wounds or traumas. Our minds (hijacked by the subconscious) have very creative ways of forecasting many ‘worst case scenarios’. This sounds to me like a very ‘safe, but limiting’ loop of living our lives. How does it sound to you?

Let’s begin putting things in order

If we first heal & deal with the elements of ‘fear’ or ‘worrying’, ONLY THEN our minds can be convinced, thus reprogrammed to think, respond and act differently. When constantly existing stress and pressure in our lives are minimized, then we perhaps may start remembering what we already innately know how to: Activating our creative and expansive energy!

Only after this very point it will start making more ‘sense’, talking about goals, targets, desired achievements and so on. Only after this healing process, those brilliant tactics, coaching tools and long term strategies will start becoming increasingly effective & applicable, in client’s life.

Perhaps after these adjustments, our clients may start getting closer to a point, where everything starts flowing relatively easily & effortlessly. It is simply another state of mind: ‘Being in the flow‘! This one is the legendary ‘flow state’. This is ‘the state of being’, which almost all professionals from all walks of life put all their effort & focus to reach it and stay there, as long as they can.

Are you not sure what ‘being in flow‘ means, from the psychology perspective? Positivepsychology.com describes it as follows:

Psychological Flow captures the positive mental state of being completely absorbed, focused, and involved in your activities at a certain point in time, as well as deriving enjoyment from being engaged in that activity.

‘Being in flow‘ (colloquially, being in the zone) is NOT a myth! It is achievable. I have complete faith that people may be encouraged & guided on this journey, thus they can start believing they can get to that state.

It is time to start living our lives in an ‘Unprecedented Way’

If this is a journey, every step on the way is valuable. As an example of one of the earlier steps, I highly recommend everyone to give themselves the gift of truly listening to themselves and asking a few very good questions: “What does truly make me happy?”, “What does truly matter to me in life?”, “Is there any true meaning in how I am currently living my life?”, and similar ones to those.

Just like the character ‘Jackson Maine’ (Bradley Cooper) sings in his song “Maybe It’s Time”, in the movie of “A Star is Born” from 2018:

Maybe it’s time to let the old ways die
Maybe it’s time to let the old ways die
It takes a lot to change a (wo)man
Hell, it takes a lot to try
Maybe it’s time to let the old ways die

Maybe, it’s time to start living our lives in ‘Unprecedented Ways’.

Kıvanç Öroglu

Transformative coach & Healer

Photo by Freepik.com

https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/river-from-godafoss-falls-akureyri-iceland-surrounded-by-huge-rocks-concrete-bridge_8409166.htm#page=1&query=river%20water%20flow&position=17<a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photos-vectors/people”>People photo created by jcomp – www.freepik.com</a>

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A real life situation

Being in flow is like a tennis game… You can insert any other favorite sports of yours and replace tennis with it, if you wish to. On the other hand, this is LIFE, and many life situations can happen to you and distort the beauty of your flow.

Following, is a real a conversation from somebody’s life. In this part of it, I am on the listening side. It literally could be any of us.

I’ve been meditating for so many months already… I did the ‘selfless work’ for the community… I quit my job through this journey, joined an ashram, joined the yoga practices there, and did it each & every day for 4 hours… I believed that all the materialistic aspects of life were bad in their nature… I believed they were all ego related.

I spent all my savings during the last 2 years. I am down here, stuck in the corner, my back facing the wall.

I expected the UNIVERSE guide me. And it didn’t! I don’t know what to do now. All my ex-colleagues and friends who blamed me in the past for being irresponsible, were right!

There is no god! There are no higher realms! This what we see around us, is ALL THAT IS! There is nothing else than this! I am done, down to square one. I feel lost.

This is just one of many similar situations that I face daily, while listening to my clients. Other clients’ expressions are mostly similar, but usually they add up an extra pace to it, making them lose their breath sometimes.

We have a situation: Amygdala hijacked rest of the brain!

This is a typical ‘Amygdala Hijack’ situation. Neurons are firing! When it occurs, it leaves people under high levels of stress, fear, worry, self-blaming etc. But before that, what is Amygdala?  Encyclopedia Britannica‘s definition of ‘Amygdala‘ in a brief form is below:

Amygdala, region of the brain primarily associated with emotional processes. The amygdala is located in the medial temporal lobe, just anterior to (in front of) the hippocampus. The amygdala is part of the limbic system, a neural network that mediates many aspects of emotion and memory. The amygdala plays a prominent role in mediating many aspects of emotional learning and behavior. There exist a vast array of human emotions, ranging from joy to sadness, disgust to excitement, and regret to satisfaction.

When described in an encyclopedic & neutral form, it leaves the first impression that this amygdala is a well-balanced & well-functioning part of the brain. The ‘Amygdala Hijack‘ situation, on the other hand, is absolutely a different story. It is an immediate and overwhelming emotional response which may be triggered by many visible or invisible factors. The response may be disproportionate to the original stimulus. The reason of being so might be that there may be deeper & hidden emotional triggers. A perceived threat of one’s life, might be a good example for those.

When this hijacking situation takes place, amygdala (indirectly) shuts down the other very important region of the brain, the ‘Prefrontal Cortex‘, which is responsible for most of the rational, analytical & executive functions (planning, decision making, problem solving etc.).

Don’t just take my words and description at the face value! Let’s see Study.com’s definition:

When someone is caught in an amygdala hijack, they tend to react first and think later. As a result, their reactions are primal and highly reactive rather than sound and rational. Its onset also happens so incredibly fast (in a matter of milliseconds) that most people aren’t aware they’re in one until it’s actually over.

Literally, it can happen to anyone

There are many well-known such situations, but my personal favorite is the one performed by the legendary football – Well, ok, ‘Soccer’, if you insist on – player, Zinedine Zidane, of France. He absolutely lost his self-control and head butted (!) Marco Materazzi (an Italian player) in 2006, during the very final minutes of an overtime FIFA World Cup football (soccer) final game between France and Italy. Zidane was kicked out of the game, France lost the World Cup to Italy, most likely because of this action. This last sentence is of course my subjective personal view. His glorious career ended right there, right at that moment! (He had previously announced that this would be the final game of his career).

Being in flow is like a tennis game, and all high level tennis players know this very well. They play the game, their 100% being in that moment. Zidane applied this to his football, most of his career. When he was dribbling with that ball, nothing else mattered. No one could distract him and put him out of ‘his flow’… until that infamous moment. One specific type of stimulus could put him out of his balance, out of his flow.

Zidane, later apologized, especially to all the children because of his inappropriate act. He also commented that Materazzi’s statements (please read it as ‘trash talk‘) provoked him. During those milliseconds of the hijack, Zidane instantly made a choice, and he chose to FIGHT! Commonly, this situation is referred to as, ‘Fight or Flight Response‘.

Health Essentials of Cleveland Clinic describes it in daily language:

“The fight or flight response, or stress response, is triggered by a release of hormones either prompting us to stay and fight or run away and flee,” explains psychologist Carolyn Fisher, PhD. “During the response, all bodily systems are working to keep us alive in what we’ve perceived as a dangerous situation.”

This fight or flight flight response is a simplified version of a complex trauma response series, known as ‘6F response‘.

What happens when a ‘6F’ situation takes place?

‘6F’ situation, as a trauma response, takes place (generally) in the following order: ‘Freeze, Fight, Flight, Fright, Flag and Faint’.

Even when we eliminate the extreme traumatic situations out of the equation, mild forms of emotionally triggering stimuli also may get us ‘kicked out of the game’, just like it did to Zidane.

Needless to explain it in detailed fashion, this place is absolutely NOT the place for being creative, being solution oriented, keeping the focus on the right track. It’s a place where a lot of accusations take place (self or  others). The person keeps on recalling & mentioning the same past events. This usually provides them a lot of material for arguments and inner dialogues. They continuously ask themselves why the rest of the world is so unfair to them. Doing so, helps them in two ways: 1) They play a victim role 2) They rationalize many of their actions. The phase after this one tastes even sweeter: They blame their families, they blame other people, God, Universe etc.

I personally have NEVER experienced it nor observed it in other people’s lives, that UNIVERSE (please read it alternatively as ‘God’, ‘Higher Realms’, ‘The Divine Intelligence’ etc.) would take someone’s hand, open all the doors for them, walk them all the way -still holding their hands-, and take all the relevant steps from A to Z, on their behalf.

It is a tennis game

Universe loves action! Universe (read it your own way, according to your own belief system) loves it when people take action. Once a person makes the decision and takes a step forward, universe always responds. Being in flow is like a tennis game. When the ball is on your half court, you would want to hit the ball and send it to the half court of the universe. As long as you keep doing so, universe will NEVER turn its back to you and leave the court, saying “I don’t want to play this game with you, anymore”.

How would you know which step to take? How will you know in which direction to invest your energy & time.

‘Time’ is an illusion, anyway, but we are buying that illusion, because of how our brains are designed. The current perception of time (an illusion) is hard-coded in our minds. The only true investment here, is our energy, but that deserves to be a separate topic itself, for another article 🙂

Please start asking yourself deep, meaningful and honest questions. The questions that will trigger emotional reactions in you – but for this time – the desired type of reactions. They will start the chain reaction and make you take courageous steps forward, which will make all the difference in your life. One person’s honest & deep question may be different than another, but here are a few examples:  “What does truly make me happy?”, “What does truly matter to me in life?”, “Is there any true meaning in how I am currently living my life?”, and similar ones…

Universe sends us signs

Yes, universe sends us signs. No, not ‘those type of signs’ that we love to keep on waiting for. Not those ones, which we blame for taking so long time to appear. We love to rationalize our procrastination by continuously waiting for the signs 🙂

The signs I am talking about here are different. We all can notice them, hear them, feel them… as long as we pay attention to them.

Universe DOESN’T scream 🙂 Those signs would be, in most cases, calmly & peacefully vibrating messages. They will bring a sort of lightness to your heart… similar to an inspiration. Unless it is an emergency situation, universe doesn’t repeat its messages very often. The other voice that keeps on talking to you inside your mind, repeating the same phrases and the story over and over again – in a compulsive way – would possibly be your EGO.

How to read those signs of Universe?

It takes a calm mind, broad perspective and a sharp intuition, to notice those signs and interpret them accurately. Those are the qualities that shine bright, when the brain operates on one of those lower frequency ranges: A very very low Beta brain frequency, the Alpha brain frequency, or even better, the Theta brain frequency.  Those are the operating frequency ranges of the brain, when the person feels safe, calm, creative etc. During such times, the person will more likely be open, ready for accepting new possibilities.

Those feelings & emotions stand precisely on the opposite side of the spectrum, when a ‘6F’ situation takes place.

Make all your decisions when calm

Easier said than done, I strongly suggest you to pay respect & attention to your intuition and to all those other extrasensory skills you have. They will guide you wisely, but calmly, without imposing anything at you. If you free yourself from taking too long time to observe and to contemplate ONLY (two actions that lead straight to the highway of Procrastination), but also can interpret the signs accurately… and finally take action as a result of it… Then you may live your beautiful life without having to go through many of those Amygdala Hijack situations.

What will possibly follow those beautiful proactive steps? One wise decision will lead to another one! Those decision-based actionable steps that you continuously take, will keep ‘the Universe’ on the tennis court, playing your game, with you! Many doors will keep on opening for you…one after another… with ease & grace 🙂

Kıvanç Öroglu

Transformative Coach & Healer

Photo by Freepik.com

<a href=”https://www.freepik.com/free-photos-vectors/people”>People photo created by jcomp – www.freepik.com</a>

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Why do you (we) feel stuck in life?

So many of us feel in a similar way, but few of us are ready to admit it. But, why do you (we) feel stuck in life, in the first place? And why can not we even talk about it, openly?

Some of us fear to be judged, criticized, and even ridiculed by all those people, with whom we’ve spent long years. Admitting that we feel stuck in life, means to so many of us in a similar way: Admitting that we are failures…losers…in life. Perhaps, we were among the crowd which continuously ridicules, until recently. And now? What has changed? Why is it happening to us now? Feeling stuck? Is it because we are getting… Eehhm, older? Is this kind of an indicator for mid-life crisis?

A wiser-than-before client vocalized the following sentences below, in a very emotional tone, some days ago:

I have invested 25+ years into my career. I gave my everything to it. Thinking of starting it all over again feels like torture.
Money and benefits don’t motivate me anymore. Nothing is meaningful. I want to feel the same way as I felt when I was 17.
I want to change my life, but I am afraid my friends and family will criticize me.
People ridicule the ones who quit their well paying jobs and go after their passion. I have no courage to face this.

These type of comments and other similar ones make me think: Why do we have so limited empathy for others, when it comes to ‘admitting of a much needed change’?. Is it really true that we never think ‘it’ may also happen to us some day? It seems that this ‘one day’ has (un)surprisingly come for many of us, now more commonly than before, and it won’t suddenly disappear, anytime soon.

Why now, more than before?

The traditional carrots of the game, ‘promotion’, ‘that guy/girl’, ‘that car’, ‘that holiday’, ‘that fancy new high-tech toy’ don’t motivate many people anymore, like it always did before. Is there something wrong with you? Why are you (we) feeling stuck in life?

What if I tell you that you may be just slowly starting to ‘wake up from a dream to a different reality’? A dream that you didn’t know you were right in it, for a significant portion of your life?

An unsurprising common (imaginary) first response:

“What? Dream? Is this a joke? I am telling you that I feel stuck in life and ask why, but you are talking about dreams! Are you messing up with me? What is this? A cheap Sci-fi article?”

Well, I have good news for you:

Your senses are waking up!

First and foremost, when you start seeing everything through a different perspective, don’t start blaming yourself. Self-bashing absolutely wouldn’t help you, even a slightest bit. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself.

Continuously circulating those self-smashing thoughts in your mind, such as “I’ve been a fool and blind all those years”, “How could I act all this time as if I was hypnotized?”, “I have wasted all my life”, is just a waste of time and nerves.  It is precisely what ‘they’ want you to keep repeating to yourself. Are you going to continue to play this game of life, their way?

Start slowly. First weeks are crucially important. Increase your awareness, broaden your perspective, but don’t overwhelm yourself. Try to maintain a child-like curiosity accompanying your mood & your psyche, rediscovering all about your life. See it from the lighter side. You will need some good tools at this stage.

Self-compassion and Mindfulness

Self-compassion and mindfulness can create miracles. How about a ‘Mindful self-compassion’? Leading experts on mindful self-compassion movement Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Christopher Germer emphasize how self-kindness, recognition of our humanity, and mindfulness give us the strength to thrive. Their quote about mindfulness is so:

“When we are mindful of our struggles, and respond to ourselves with compassion, kindness, and support in times of difficulty, things start to change.”

Mindful.org provides a beautiful definition of self-compassion in plain English:

“Self-compassion involves treating yourself the way you would treat a friend who is having a hard time—even if your friend blew it or is feeling inadequate, or is just facing a tough life challenge.”

Things started to feel lighter. You can feel it. Your emotional state, your  energy frequency level started to increase, toward the upper half of of the spectrum of all emotions that we humans perceive. You are slowly moving out of the field, in which ‘they’ used to control you. As a response, ‘they’ may try to manipulate your thoughts through disinformation. Discrediting self-compassion and mindfulness while hailing self-criticism is a very old and common one.

Self-Criticism vs. Self-Compassion

Fear vs. kindness… Speculation vs. truth… Myth vs. reality…

Let’s point out some common ones. Mindful.org offers a very good summary of them. The main ones are as below:

Fear: Self-compassion will make us weak and vulnerable.

Truth: In fact, self-compassion is a reliable source of inner strength that confers courage and enhances resilience when we’re faced with difficulties. Research shows self-compassionate people are better able to cope with tough situations like divorce, trauma, or chronic pain.

Fear: Self-compassion is really the same as being self-indulgent.

Truth: It’s actually just the opposite. Compassion inclines us toward long-term health and well-being, not short-term pleasure (just as a compassionate mother doesn’t let her child eat all the ice cream she wants, but says, “eat your vegetables”).

Fear: Self-compassion is really a form of making excuses for bad behavior.

truth: Actually, self-compassion provides the safety needed to admit mistakes rather than needing to blame someone else for them.

Fear: Self-criticism is an effective motivator. 

Truth: It’s not. Our self-criticism tends to undermine self-confidence and leads to fear of failure. If we’re self-compassionate, we will still be motivated to reach our goals—not because we’re inadequate as we are, but because we care about ourselves and want to reach our full potential.

This one was good! Now we are becoming more aware, calmer and a little wiser 🙂 We are building good foundations here, and they will enable us to broaden our perspective, help us  to ask the right questions.

Your inner wisdom started talking to you louder!

Since we feel calmer now, let’s focus to the original question: Why do you feel stuck in life? Why did you start thinking so, only lately? And who is that ‘voice’ you hear in your mind? Could it be someone who wants nothing, but the best for you?

Take a few deep but slow breaths, relax, and open up yourself to all the possibilities and perspectives.

Perhaps a different type of analogy here can also help us further:

When someone decides to spend long hours in the kitchen everyday, for the first time in their lives (a natural consequence of recent ‘Stay-At-Home & Stay-safe’ policies?), it could be a wise move to focus on the recipes you already knew and practiced before. This way, you will soon become confident and the end product of that recipe will become tastier and tastier every single time.

Now, let’s apply this approach to your life, and your new quest of ‘unclogging the tubes’ that somehow represent the (un)flow in your life. What do you remember from your childhood? Your teen years? Very early twenties? The code or the clue may very well be hiding there. What made you really forget about time? What was that one thing you loved to do, and every single time you found yourself ‘in the flow‘?

Don’t literally focus on the action itself? Focus on how it made you feel. Why was it so important for you? Focus on the positive feelings it triggered in you. And now ask yourself: “How can you replicate similar feelings, such as joy, a child-like curiosity, passion, being one with it, forgetting about the rest of the world etc.? Feel free to insert here your own authentic and sincere feelings form those times. Please don’t tell me that you are not interested in feeling the same way, as you used to feel before.

You have already taken the ‘Red Pill’. There is no return from this point!

Those questions you asked yourself were the equivalence of taking the ‘red pill’! Is that the good news or the bad one? ‘The ignorance is bliss’ idiom doesn’t apply well anymore to our 21st century world, already for a long time. And the fact that you’ve been swallowing the ‘Blue Pill’ sor far, didn’t help you much, anyway. Just be aware that you will need to contentiously work on yourself, preferably everyday, from this point on. Your will become aware of more and more of those limitations, blockages, illusions, and you will not be able to stand them, anymore. So your journey of ‘upward spiraling’ will take place of feeling stuck in life.

Back to the initial question: Why do you feel stuck in life? Because your inner intelligence wants you to start making positive changes in your life. Take this feeling of being stuck as a starting gun, and begin your journey by following your intuition on the path of empowering yourself. Celebrate it, don’t feel down because of it!

Sometime in the near future, you will realize what kind of a role this ‘feeling of being stuck’ played in your life, and how it kick-started your own inner journey. And when that time comes, you will feel a true gratitude in your heart, for feeling this way in the past. Celebrate it!

Kıvanç Öroglu

Transformative Coach & Healer

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Two different forms of change (growth), as we experience them

When do we truly change in life? Is frequently repeated saying “People don’t change” true? Not entirely.

One way that we do change is when our energy field is in the same frequency range, thus compatible with the elements of the desired altered state. Is the explanation too technical? Let’s try another one.

Change truly happens, when our body, mind & spirit fully accept the components of that new perception, decision or action, which will drive the change.

This is surely not the only way how change takes place. This one is the pleasant path leading to change. When our mind, body & spirit are aligned, we even demand the change. So, how does change take place in this smooth form?

Practicing and attaining certain qualities & virtues make it possible: Acceptance, empathy, awareness, perspective, courage and similar ones… This type of change is also known as Satori.

Satori: passion of the awakened

Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith, the founder of the Agape International Spiritual Centre in Los Angeles, talks about two different paths leading to change, thus leading to life growth.

Satori is growth by awakening. They are insights that happen suddenly and change you forever. They can happen anywhere – while you’re in nature, listening to music, looking at art, or in a conversation.

Once you’ve had a Satori moment (think of that “ah-ha!” we’ve all felt when something just clicks), the stuff that holds you back is left in the dust. You’ve levelled up and can operate on a whole new plane.

In such an expansive and flow-like state, change takes place naturally.

Change doesn’t always come easy

When do we truly decide to change in life? That moment of decision might happen when you are swimming in the ocean under the moon light in a bliss state. It may also happen in one of those ‘hitting the bottom hard’ situations.

Can you relate to the following analogy, below?

When change needs to take place, it stands in front of your door and rings the bell patiently , but so only for a while. When unanswered, it starts knocking at the door with its fist. If still no response, then it kicks the door, louder and louder…until… I guess you already got the picture. This type of change also may -and most likely will- lead to growth, but in a different way. And surely, through a different process. This one is called ‘Kensho‘.

Souls crave and demand change as a catalyst, and thus desire to grow, without a doubt. They have a different level of consciousness, wisdom and perspective, than we -our temporal consciousness- have. Our higher selves are interested in the gains of changing and growing, NOT in the details, such as how much we will have to suffer to get there.

Do we really believe in “No Pain No Gain?”

Again, Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith has beautifully described this concept of Kensho:

Kensho is growth by pain. Ultimately, it is the universe giving you tough love. Bottom line: you go through some kind of pain or difficulty which you learn different ways to feel, think, and be. It is like a tectonic shift, you can feel it happening, and mapped over time, it’s clear that your world has changed.

In retrospect, you might even view these events as positive forces that pushed you to challenge beliefs and systems that were holding you back in ways you hadn’t realized. Dr. Beckwith suggests that Kensho is our souls’ way of calling on us to grow.

Neither of these concepts are innately ‘good’ or ‘bad’. They simply represent two different ways as things unfold, in our souls’ quest of reaching its goal: Change & Growth.

It seriously – and perhaps surprisingly – doesn’t matter that much to our souls, how change & growth takes place. How about us, with our 3rd density level of consciousness? It matters a lot to us, and for a good reason.

Anticipated pain: A solid roadblock

Our brains are  hard coded with many programs, to make us run away from danger or pain, so that we survive. And only when the dangerous situation passes by, we start chasing all short term pleasures, once again.

Certain parts of our brains focus only on the present moment and ask one question:

“Is there a risk of having pain in this present moment or not?”

That is the burning question for the early developed parts of our brains.

As a result of this evolutionary component , instant gratification is such a fundamental part of our being. We crave it, we desire it, we immediately feel well after receiving it.

Long term achievements are not that interesting for us, human beings, except our analytical minds.

Please put a mark on previous sentence. It will play a key role to demystify the chemistry of change, later.

Who is in charge of deciding for change?

People tend to NOT see certain things in life, such as limiting believes, programs, learned powerlessness, repeating collective patterns etc. They stay unaware of them, if noticing them in and of itself is painful enough. The responsible character for this ‘overlooking or skipping action’ is no other than our all time best friend, the Subconscious Mind.

The subconscious mind reads the situation as this:

“Change is terrible, it’s a huge risk, an unacceptable situation in itself, and it can mean to jeopardize my life”.

It almost always prefers to keep the Status-quo, even if keeping everything as it is could be more detrimental for the body, mind & the spirit, in the long term.

One great way to avoid change, is Procrastination! One of our all-time favorites. And so many people have been thinking all this time that they were simply so…lazy.  🙂

Calculating risks, minimizing possible future damage and constantly re-evaluating scenarios, fall under the field of expertise of our analytical minds. That would be the prefrontal cortex. But, what if that smart & high IQ compartment of our brain is not even aware of the true situation?

Yes, it may be so, because the subconscious mind loves to keep stuff hidden! It hides them under many many layers of clutter.

Deep tactics of the subconscious mind…but for which purpose?

There are several tactics for hiding a fact, a memory…or simply any data: We may just forget about them. We may also simply lose them.

One major reason that subconscious mind hides the data, is that it is deeply scared of having anything to do with pain! Recalling an old file; an embarrassing memory, a traumatic situation or even a past life drama etc. could be VERY painful!

An even more convincing reason why people (their subconscious minds) don’t see things (skip them on purpose) as they are, is closely related to our initial question: Seeing things as they are could mean having to make some sort of CHANGE, which could be painful to do.

When do we truly change in life? Change starts to happen, the moment our subconscious mind starts believing that changing won’t be painful!

Change without experiencing pain?

When it comes to the assessment of pain, the subconscious mind believes that almost ANY CHANGE is / will be painful. A little less or a little more, but painful.

This is one of the most fundamental reasons why people don’t live their lives fully aware! This is one big reason why they subconsciously choose to stay unaware of their day-to-day reality.

It may be why they keep themselves stuck in an illusion in their lives. Alternatively they lock themselves up in their self-created mental prison cell, and throw the keys out of the window.

Change or not to change?

Please don’t get me wrong. Even the subconscious mind can decide for change. This ‘choice’ usually happens when not changing and resisting it becomes even more painful, compared to various scenarios of changing.

This type of change will take place fast! Everything related to it will be the ‘new norm’ for some time, until another ‘not changing is more painful‘ situation. A situation, when cost of holding on to Status Quo will simply be too high and unsustainable.

We are more than our subconscious minds

Did you ever realize that you are an infinite being with infinite consciousness, in your true essence? We all deserve to change & grow through Satori. The notion of changing and growing through awakening, receiving powerful insights, having fascinating A-Ha moments, may sound too intellectual to our subconscious minds. What we may choose to do, could be to convince our concerned & fearful friend, in a step by step approach.

Please make it a daily habit to ask this following question to yourself:

“What is absolutely the worst thing that could happen to me, because of this change?”

After receiving each answer, repeat your question: “And what is the worst thing that could happen after that, if so and so happens?”

Please repeat asking this question to yourself until you run out of all the shallow answers (excuses). Sooner or later, the true answer will be revealed.

After this marathon of Q&A, you will perhaps notice that all previously stated reasons as excuses to resist the change, were simply part of the mis-perception of the subconscious: An illusion!

Pure awareness helps us change (grow) smoothly

When do we truly change in life? Changing will become smooth & easy after we repeat this Q&A process enough number of times, and realize what is true and what is an illusion.

After enough repetitions, even the subconscious mind will start getting convinced about the benefits of changing, thus growing. Once it is convinced enough, locking itself up in a mental prison cell and throwing the keys out of the window, will be a thing of the past.

Kıvanç Öroglu

Transformative Coach & Healer

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If one of the stories or instances in the article resonates with you, please share your story with me. I am always inspired with great stories that are genuine and heart centered.

PS:

This article above reflects my experience based on working as a healer with many people. People, who were seeking some answers in their lives, and each of them was on a different spot on their personal journeys. Even today, these situations continue to be my day-to-day experience with these beautiful souls. No specific details are mentioned in the article.

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Images & citation:

Image: The Satir Change Model

The Satir Change Model is a five-stage model (see graph) that describes the effects each stage of the change has on feelings, thinking, performance, and physiology. It was developed by Virginia Satir.

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